Feet on seats

This morning, I find myself being followed by a couple of pigeons outside of the station.

Two ambitious little fowls with mouths on them.

I can just hear what they’re saying too.

The thinner one is a punk:

“You have to work…na, na, na, na, na…”

The chubby one is even less articulate:

“It’s gonna get way more cold you know!”

Stupid pigeons.

How dare they taunt us orange collared workers like that!

I’m wearing orange and it’s my blog. I will confuse expressions as I please.

I’m about the scream back; “I’ve already been through winter commuting you morons!!!” but then I remember the last guy caught screaming at birds was escorted off the premises.

Haven’t seen him since.

I decide against this strategy, as I still have 18 days left on my one year contract and I’m already paid up for the month.

I digress.

Anytime I see pigeons, I think of Bert from Sesame Street.

That’s how they sound like.

Or maybe it was Grover or the Cookie Monster.

Hmm.

I’m about to hold the door open for them, but they waddle away.

Snobbish and mouthy. Not an ideal combination.

Whatever.

I walk through the station and notice a beautiful new sign.


FEET ON SEATS

The latest installment from the GO Transit #etiquettefail series.

As if on cue, a guy just got on at Aldershot and put his feet up on the seats.

It’s like the universe agreeing that these signs are more promotional than prevention.

At least he has cool shoes.

As a self-proclaimed commuting investigative reporter and journalist, I make the following signage observations:


Even before I can properly assess the signage itself, I notice the IMA OUTDOOR on top of the poster.

It’s important to note this sign is located inside the station.

Brought to you from the creators of BROKE!…on the candy machine.

IMA sign, IMA sign…sounds like Drake’s next big hit.

Moving on:


It’s nice to see that every patriarch from modern day sitcoms is represented on this signage.

Ok, I take it back. He looks more like 93% of modern day male commuters.

Hot tip: if you ever make up statistics while teaching, always pick an odd number. It sounds more believable.

There’s a look I sense in his eyes, even though they are closed.

Hopelessness. Depression. Despair.

As if on cue, a token male sits across from me at Bronte.

He’s wearing a toque, winter coat and gloves.

Relax buddy, it’s mild outside!

I digress.

Maybe the man in the picture is sleep walking.

That’s kinda what commuting feels like.

Either way, he doesn’t look happy.


Maybe he’s upset because, true to previous transit propaganda, this man is forced to commute without the use of a right thumb.

However will he get to work when the 7:05 train leaves without the majority of its passengers!?!!

How dare the commuter gods remove the hitchhiking option away from him.

Sad.

It’s not all misery for Rowlph.


He’s got some cool shoes.

I’ve often said cool shoes make everything better.

Well, that’s started about 4 months ago.

Check out this guy:

If someone actually did this on the train, I wouldn’t dare move them.

Finally, someone as interesting as me!

I’d be the one taking dozens of photos with him!

#traincercise #halloween2017 #isitoddthatifindhimattractive

Also, if there was that much space in between seats, couldn’t they afford to have fold up tables to accommodate the free hot dogs and tacos?

Annoying.

Speaking of which…here come the Muppets from Port Credit!

I just laughed out loud.

I hope they think it was at them.

Moving forward, this is what most women’s armpits look like from September through May:


Unless you’re of European descent, then that’s the annual look.

Based on the patterns:


I’m glad to see this scene takes place in the new train cars. An exotic dancer shouldn’t be parted from his stripper pole, after all.

I see the following discrepancy while observing the signage:


Tom Selleck appears to be resting his head on the emergency alarm!

That’s a $1000 fine. Unless it’s a real emergency, he’s in trouble.

He might be arrested for being so damn attractive in orange.

I can totally relate to that.

🙂

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