This morning I woke up in a very foul mood. I decided I wanted to be miserable and wasn’t in the right head space to create a blog.
I haven’t slept well in months, to the extent that it’s almost comical now.
The term “sleep” often refers to something more like a 3 hour nap.
I once made fun of the term “under the weather” but then I realized its quite perfect for today.
Raining. Chilly. Wet.
Much like my temperament.
Thursday November 24 is the American Thanksgiving.
It also happens to be an annual family tradition.
Each year, I would take the day off of work and the watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Typically, the day would be an easy one, full of leisurely productivity.
We would watch the parade, make loose plans to attend next year’s parade in person, and of course, this day marked the unofficial start to the family holiday baking season.
Whoever ended up at the house for dinner that day would be treated to some type of pre-Christmas feast and of course, cookies.
There were always cookies.
Last year I wasn’t working so getting the time off was easy.
I smile at that thought.
It was even more celebratory, because I was offered the job I have now the day before the traditional American day of feast.
Last year, all the good feelings were amplified.
The American Thanksgiving had me feeling excited.
This year, I felt quite the opposite.
I’m not good at predicting moods, but I know certain dates will be bad times for me.
It’s the same reason I didn’t write a blog post for Canadian Thanksgiving.
That’s entirely not true.
I started writing a blog post that day, but it started something like this;
“This year I have nothing to be thankful for.”
Talk about uplifting.
I realized it was going to get dark, quick, and I wasn’t ready to acknowledge those feelings…the ones which would take me to places I didn’t need to explore.
Fast forward to seven weeks later.
The fact that I today, I can write about this thought process, actualize my emotions without the urge to implode makes me realize the healing has begun.
The second half of 2016 might have been the worst to date, but I can assure you, it’s not all doom and gloom for me.
In spite of the sadness and frustration, I realize I have many things to be thankful for.
I’m so very thankful for the people in my life who truly understand.
For those who don’t but try to anyway.
I’m thankful for having countless, happy memories.
For taking the trips.
For buying the shoes.
For loving with all of my heart.
I’m thankful for taking life day by day and enjoying the little things.
I’m thankful for being present.
For accepting my new normal.
For having new goals.
Like planning to attend the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in November 2017.