This morning, as I get ready for work, I make an astute observation.
Each day, my sister adds decorations to our family home and is well on her way to creating a Winter Wonderland.
She’s really outdone herself.
The place looks awesome.
My house is beginning to look a lot like Christmas….everywhere you go…
You go. I meant me, but then it would deviate too much from the original lyrics.
Now I have that song stuck in my head.
Don’t get me wrong, I love most Christmas songs, however, getting a B level Christmas carol saturated into my think think tank isn’t my idea of a great start to the morning.
You see, I have a very comprehensive Christmas Carol classification system that I just made up.
It goes as follows:
A level: Any Christmas song that I enjoy. One that I will belt out at any given moment, that I can associate with a happy memory or a movie soundtrack.
Something that’s playful and pleasing and I’ve likely attempted to sing at karaoke.
I will award an “A”to any song my friends really enjoy, because I’m generous and thoughtful like that.
If I put it in writing it must be true, yes?
Any Leann Rimes version of a Christmas song gets an A by default, because she’s my hero.
That’s also a true story.
Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas” really gets an A+ because it’s the official Christmas anthem.
The lady across from me coughs, mouth uncovered, in my direction.
I will take this act of ensuring I get sick as a sign of approval.
A song gets a “B” if it’s something I like, but don’t love. I don’t really know the lyrics so I can’t sing along.
That doesn’t really stop me, as you can likely imagine I’m quite the rapper and have a tendency to make things up.
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas falls under this category.
Because I want to mirror real life, and not current, watered down elementary school curriculum, whereby everyone is awesome and there are no failures, my rating system bypasses consonants that imply satisfactory or needs improvement.
The only other letter a song can get is an F.
This grade is awarded to any original song that’s been “jazzified”, the Christmas Shoes song, anything sung by a boy band, Jessica Simpson or Justin Bieber.
Pleased with my rating system, I focus my attention back to the song in my head and realize, I don’t know the lyrics at all.
I use google as an assist.
This one verse amuses me:
A pair of hop-along boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben,
Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen,
Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.
I’m glad this song was written in the golden era and not current times.
A modern day interpretation might imply that Barney and Ben are about to commit a felony, and Janice and Jen need to lay off the hallucinogenics.
Maybe you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.
Apparently this song was written by Michael Bublé.
I’m pretty sure internet trolls have him taking credit for insulin and post its.
The next verse provides some much needed clarity:
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Ev’rywhere you go;
There’s a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well,
The sturdy kind that doesn’t mind the snow.
I hope Barney and Ben used their weapons to pilfer the tree from the hotel.
That might “spruce” up mom and dad’s place.