This morning, as I’m about to board my big green chariot, I make the following 3 observations.
Observation #1: It’s raining.
Adopting a likeness to my Roman heritage, I absolutely loathe the rain and being wet.
In fact, the moment there’s precipitation in Rome, people forget how to drive.
That’s a true story.
As I write, I’m sitting on my perch and noticing the drops on my coat of many colours.
Just kidding; it’s orange.
Observation #2: I’m starting to think Steve is a hologram.
Whenever there’s even the pretence of precipitation, he seems to disappear.
I wonder if he is a hologram.
I’d be delightfully impressed if the train had our very own Synergy.
Who knew a cartoon character from Jem in the 80’s would metamorphosize into a catch phrase at work places in the 90’s?
Synergy would have known.
If you read this blog for the grammatical value, you should stop.
Observation #3 involves me walking past make-up lady.
This time I noticed she’s switched seats and is doing a better job of contouring.
As I approach, I resist the urge to say “Nice face!” not because I’m shy and that’s rude, I just feel she shouldn’t be interrupted when she’s made progress.
I pat myself on the back for being so thoughtful and caring.
As I find my seat of the day, ensuring Brune is also comfortable, my mind begins to wander.
I’m a minimalist when it comes to make-up, because I’m one third super sensitive to most products, one third lazy and one third naturally photogenic/ beautiful.
I’d add modest in there, but things are easier to remember when they are categorized in groups of 3.
I’m an easy, breezy beautiful cover girl, just like that slogan.
But this morning, I’m more grumpy, damp and mildly attractive.
I appreciate the effort of others to work with a shoddy canvass.
If I were a spokesperson, I’d tell people the secret to having a wonderful complexion involves sarcasm, tacos, fried chicken and beer.
As I think to my new friend downstairs, (commuters are like smokers, we’re all friends, we’re in this together and don’t smell like garbage after interactions) I think about moments where lots of make-up application is necessary.
I think about speed dating.
A new idea pops into my head.
What about if there was speed dating on the train?
Wouldn’t that be awesome?
Speed dating on a slow train.
I enjoy this idea immensely.
If you hit it off, you continue your commute.
If you don’t, you jump out at the next stop.
I should patent this concept to obtain royalties.
A quick scan of my train car and it looks like slim pickings.
It’s a pilot project after all.
I wonder, what kinds of pick-up lines would work on my fellow commuters?
The following is a list of 10 pick-up lines/conversation starters that would be foolproof for my fellow commuters.
Ok, maybe just me.
10. “What time does the 6:18 train actually show up at? Where does it go? It’s a moron!”
9. “Is this sign amusing or stupid? What do you think?”
8. “Excuse me, I can’t decide which 80’s tv theme song is better. Mind if I sing them out loud to you here in the quiet zone?”
7. “Someone should write a blog about commuting. I’d marry that girl. True story.”
6. I’ve always wanted to ditch work, stay on the train and ‘GO’ to Oshawa. Wanna come with me?”
5. “What’s the point of having streetcars in 2017?!?”
4. “I have a love/ hate relationship with babies, children, teams with bastardized pink sports logos and commuting. You?”
3. “Don’t you think for all the money we spend, they should provide us with free hotdogs and tacos?”
2. “I don’t admit this to too many people, but sometimes I want to show off my drawings, but they’re kinda juvenile so I pretend like it’s the work of my niece and nephew.”
1. “What’s your bag’s name?”
Once the world is ready for my new idea, rest assured I will blog about it.