The Secret Life of Pigeons

This morning, I arrive at a respectable time to the station.

In fact, I’m so on time that I decide to be creative and take an alternate route to my beloved albeit aloof Green Chariot.

You can stop being such a judgy McJudgerson.

Hey, when you’re in a monogamous relationship, sometimes you have to do things to spice it up.

Like finding common ground, taking new approaches to activities and obtaining a mistress or lover.

I’m joking.

I would never exert that kind of energy to tamper with any activities I enjoy.

That’s stupid.

I digress.

My self imposed pedestrian detour has me walking past the buses towards a ramp to the trains instead of through the station.

As I walk past, I don’t notice them at first.

Then I swear, one of them calls out to me.

I turn to my left and see these two:

Oh, pigeons!

I’m delighted to see the GOPO anti-pigeon signage and “legislation” hasn’t ruffled their feathers.

I’m not ashamed to admit within the past 16 months of my public transit journey, I’ve conversed more with pigeons than any commuter.

I’m not sure if I should include Steve.

I digress.

There they are, perched and seemingly casting judgment.

They remind me of Statler and Waldorf, the two hecklers from the Muppet Show.

In place of a balcony stage left, they decide to poop on a highly deserving service provider.

I smirk.

In keeping with today’s theme, I realize Steve could reprise the role of Fozzie Bear.

It’s a perfect comparison.

I digress.

I self-identify a lot with pigeons.

We can both be considered polarizing.

Either people love us or hate us.

If loved, it’s because these people are intelligent, engaging and correct.

If hated, it’s because these people are unenlightened, ignorant and wrong.

No grey area.

Hmm. I’m wearing grey today.

Most pigeons are grey.


As I stand there, eye level with my new friends (remember in extrovert land, everyone is your buddy!) I wonder what Pigeons would think of certain things.

What would they think of Trump?

They would be amused.

What would they think of public transit?

They would think it’s necessary but stupid.

What would they think of baseball?

They would think it’s amazing.

What about signage?

Equal parts amused, stupid and amazing.

I smirk.

Their likeness to me is uncanny.

I wonder where they go all day.

Is the train station one stop for them with a day of activity or more a final destination?

Many questions. Many potential answers.

I mull this over.

I look over one last time and wonder;

What would these Pigeons think of me?

They would probably think I should stop staring at them and go or else I’ll be late for work!

Well played, Pigeons.

Well played.



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